1001 Albums Summary

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 One of those weird averaging scores representative of neither extreme. Conceptually, poetically, lyrically damn near a 5—incredibly profound and moving stuff. This, if anything, is what will bring me back to You Want It Darker. Musically, instrumentally, it amounts to a stale 3, perhaps even a 2 sans vocals—there's nothing wrong with sparseness, per se, and Cohen's incredible, gruff voice and piano is often enough to carry the emotions, but after five songs or so, it sort of overstayed its welcome. This makes me feel like a shallow zoomer, maybe even one who's ontologically evil, especially given how much a thematically similar album like Blackstar means to me, hypocritically. This is a lyrical treasure, but musically falls flat, and I'm guessing Cohen hits harder with those oriented more towards the former. Me, I'm a feeler—the sound that words can't contain means more to me. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑, maybe even 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗 from a more objective standpoint This album is such a blast—one of those sort of sonic variety feasts like People's Instinctive Travels, Paul's Boutique, or Midnite Vultures. Some real emotional breadth (and depth) too. Very funny, very sad, very sad and funny. My lack of a fifth star is only because—besides "So Fresh, So Clean" and "Mrs. Jackson," because I'm basic—very few songs, like, magically clicked/stood out from the symphony for me, even though they all had their own character. Maybe this was a mood thing, so the score may improve on another listen. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 Feels so unserious to write serious Funkadelic thoughts when I could just say "fried ice cream is a reality" but my tbh serious thoughts are that this is great—real, real great—and the only thing holding it back is that some jams genuinely feel too diffuse to sustain the groove nation. I prob just need another enema idk 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑, maybe less if not for the Unfunky UFO Feels crazy to rate this low after getting funked so funktastically in my earhole, but having loved "Unfunky UFO" and "Give Up The Funk" for my whole life, I'm almost a little disappointed by the inferior funkometer readings on most of the other tracks. Most of these grooves were sparser, slower, almost as if the tempo was about 10 bpm behind, and I wonder if it's the sort of thing that hits better when you're stoned? Sober, it's not nearly so hypnotic. But I cannot be clear enough that under no circumstances will I be giving up the funk. No three star rating could wash my goats Parliament 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑, rounded down to decrease nuance Another evil rating from me because, though the groove is in my heart and always has been, I was once again a little let down by the expectations set by the famous title track. The production is literally boiling over with joy and layered like a De La song on "Groove is in the Heart," and while there's plenty of hints to be had across the rest of the album, it's really just 90s dance loops—"Good Beat" isn't false advertising when it's the second song, but after forty minutes, the beat starts to feel a little less good. Like Parliament, maybe this hits better at the clerb and not overstimulated on the smelly RTD with a kid yankin ya hair. Nothing can bring down my deee-lite for "Groove Is In The Heart" itself but it shall remain a matchless paragon. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 duh 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌑🌑🌑 (an uneven distribution of 1-4 star songs skewed by skeevy thievery) This score comes down to the context. I come from a Blur family, but I'm not so Jingoistic than I can't enter this with an open mind, and for the first five or so songs, I was having a good time—I'm not sure what's so special about Oasis, since I heard nothing other bands around this time weren't really doing, but they do that thing well and I was enjoying it. Once I got to Super Sonic, the Weezer-y, nineties, whiny guy schtick got to be a little bit insufferable, and I could tell even beneath the rock I live under that MTV rode some of these into the sunset. Even that, though, felt dubiously smarmy when certain harmonies hit, and I'll admit it—I sorta got it in glimmering moments of "Slide Away" and "Live Forever" (or was it "Up in the Sky"?). To me, in isolation, this is Oasis: cloying pop at worst, fiery rock at best. But here's the hitch: Oasis cannot exist in isolation. Ambushed by the opening riff of "Bang a Gong" retitled mega-hit "Cigarettes and Alcohol," I already felt territorial (and don't tell me it's because there's a limited amount of chords in rock and everyone's ripping everyone else off—there's coincidence, there's influence, and there's this, which anyone who's not a bad actor can plainly see), but this was before I read the lawsuit that ensued from "Shakermaker's" plagiarism, which made me feel like a chump for enjoying that song. I can—and not even that begrudgingly—forgive "Shakermaker" because it's clearly tongue-in-cheek parody, but knowing in retrospect that Noel and Liam Gallagher both thought they were the next John Lennon really limits my capacity for grace. Regardless of how hard they rock, or even how competently they can create a decent rock hook, knowing that these pompous blowhards got away with not only their plagiarism but their delusion of grandeur (still lauded by knowing music critics today) stacks me against this album. Two stars because of some fun performances and occasional bursts of talent, no more stars because they didn't create more originality with said talent. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 I've never heard a Kinks song I didn't like, but on an album without the drive of some of my favorite kinks hits and much topographical difference between songs, this album felt a little flat for me. Pretty much the definition of 3 stars in my book, which sounds meaner than I mean it. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up for emotional impact) Opinions: how strange. As usual, I made the mistake of browsing global reviews for american dream before even viewing the album, which somehow manage to offend me even for albums I've never heard. Case in point: I really enjoy a few LCD soundsystem songs, but haven't heard a full album, and almost skipped this one were it not for the reviews' comparisons to Brian Eno, Talking Heads, and David Bowie (all of whom did it better, and therefore no one else can ever touch post-punk again). While I have a feeling it's sort of a mistake to have listened to their last album first, this, to me, reaffirmed that I'm an alien whose fundamental, emotional makeup must be different to consensus humanity, because I really resonated with whatever's going on here. Derivative or not, James Murphy's one uptight motherfucker and I'll stand for that flag—it adds a particularity to his rhythms that itches the meticulous instinct in me. Very precise, but not at the cost of the emotionality whatsoever. Certainly, that could be subject to change—there's actually a melancholy that always struck me about LCD Soundsystem, ever since I was a little kid, and it's something that I feel furtive approaching—it's not always something I want to immerse myself in given its glum droopiness. I'm gonna give this a four because a few songs really hit a spot for me, but compared with Remain in Light and Low (the other two fours at this point), it might fall just short—I'll have to listen again and see. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 I know nothing about him, but my latent, genetic snobbery instinctively turned its nose up at the name "Van Morrison." Upon listening, I was kind of blown away by how spellbound I was from track 3 on. I feel a little sheepish about it because of how overtly cheesy his borderline scatting free-styling is, but the orchestration was so atmospheric and gorgeous. No one song really stood out, which kind of just makes the album a folk-jazz slurry. However, I know I'm pretty susceptible to saccharine sixties sounds on a first listen and I regret any interest later, so I have a feeling this score will drop. I'm a weird voice enjoyer, so the fact that I already find his vocals a little grating means things are bound to fall off between me and Astral Weeks eventually. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 OH NOOOOO, OH PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!!! When I was an angsty thirteen year old and Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and Wolfmother were my lifeblood, I thought this album—even that first song—was just okay, a little slow for my liking. Why then, have I kept waking up with little licks of "N.I.B," "The Wizard," "Wicked World," and "Behind the Wall of Sleep" stuck in my head for nearly the next thirteen years of my life? A fantastic album, especially considering the historical context. My rating would be higher, but I had to hold myself back and admit this album does meander quite a bit, squiggling over into Iommi spaghetti or else devolving into sort of yawning, atmospheric sections without much resolution. For as strong of a debut as this is, they wouldn't be the Black Sabbath everyone pretends to know and love without Paranoid first. But still—incredible start. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Huge Julian Cope fan, slightly less huge Echo and the Bunnymen fan, blossoming Smiths fan, and I already liked "Sleeping Gas," but even with all that stacked in its favor I felt wary going into "Kilimanjaro." No matter how many great bands coalesced after the balkanization of The Teardrop Explodes, I just had a feeling it'd be too early for any of their individual strengths to have shown through. Okay, that said, I did enjoy this a little more than I expected, though I think it plateaus pretty hard after the first few songs and eventually disintegrates. Tacking on the EP starting with "Reward" at the end of the official release definitely doesn't help. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down because I don't see myself listening often) People are so rude dude! So many of the global reviews are passing this by blasé or downplaying its accomplishment as "amateur" and "teenage" as if it didn't erupt near-fully realized from the brain of a nineteen-year-old boy. Have any of them birthed an unfiltered, unique vision like this? Every human has one swimming somewhere beneath the surface, that I'm sure of, but so few know to treat them like a newborn baby. Okay, maybe a rough-and-tumble toddler with superpowers like being impervious to rocks or snooty commentary. Even still—I get so offended sometimes for music I don't even like because someone saw into another person's soul and said they didn't like the look of it. Huh! My reviews are based on my own resonance with something, and unless said something is obviously corporate lab-grown crap or imitation meat (or unless it really, really hurts somebody), I try to keep my ratings fair. But I don't need to explain myself, because I'm the only one who sees these anyway besides Emily (hi Emily) so it's really just ramblings. And not even about Tubular Bells! Maybe it's because I don't listen to a lot of prog rock, but for 1973 (even if it was post-Pink Floyd), this composition has such startling range. Really hypnotic and mature at times, other times crass and abrasive, and the transitions between these swings are often decently smooth. I'll have to listen again sometime to be sure, but honestly, I'd play this to get into a creative state of mind, do homework, write, or even just to enjoy the atmosphere. The growling section might challenge that, but honestly, after the way everyone described it, you'd think they'd never heard any metal—pearl-clutching, honestly. I mean, what do these people listen to?! 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑, maybe even 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 (rounded up for emotional impact) For as much as I love TV on the Radio, I haven't listened to a full album of theirs save for their latest, Seeds, so this is as good a place to start as any. Incredible sound on this one, but it would've ranked higher if there were more individual standout songs, I think. "Staring at the Sun" could be a top 100 song for me, and is most certainly in my top 1001 songs, so it's a lot of pressure, but few songs felt like something I'd listen to separately, if that makes sense. Still a really fascinating atmosphere (I miss the moodiness of early TVOTR) and I will be listening again. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑, though may well have been a 🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 if I was in a worse mood So I only knew of Patti Smith, as it turns out, from a song title I will not be writing out here, but luckily I had forgotten long enough to leave my impression of Horses untarnished. One thing with Punk that seems to hold true even as far back as this proto-punk is that it can sound a little flat without a lot of drive and a properly monotone yell, and at its worst, I think Horses is that. Not at its worst, interestingly, are the nine-minute, fervent, spoken-word that I suspect have incited many an eye roll since the seventies. I, to my own surprise, kind of dug them—they're the kind of thing I think I was socialized to dislike but have really come around to now that I've fully embraced my own pretentiousness. The first and last songs are the only ones I can see myself coming back to frequently, but that's more than I was expecting from this album—really fun and exciting. This Patti Smith gal is really something, hope she doesn't have any controversial takes on race in her future! 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑, rounded up for repeat enjoyment For someone who's always yakkin about British music, I've heard shamefully little pulp, and wouldn't have given Richard Hawley a second glance were it not for the connection. For an album global reviewers called "the most British thing ever," though, I'm a bit disappointed—this was, like, the most American British thing ever. I was pleasantly surprised by this Roy Orbison / Chris Isaak sound, though it skewed a bit too Sinatra for me at times. I'm not sure I'd listen to the whole thing through again (though it was very peaceful), but there are at least three standouts for me, which is big. Big stuff happening across the pond. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌗🌑🌑🌑 (rounded up because it isn't, like, evil) I'm not gonna remember it exactly, but there's a Brian Eno quote I often think about that says, essentially, that the qualities of songs we're nostalgic for, or that we feel the strongest connection to, are when the music is straining against the technology of the time. Grainy record static, compressed MP3s, etc—these things come to define a sound because (and this is my extrapolation) the feeling is struggling to reach through the imperfect materiality of the medium. After seeing some mediocre reviews, I was ready to go to bat for this album—one which I normally might've skipped. What a surprise that I come to find my opinion is actually significantly lower than global consensus, which sucks because John Lee Hooker is legendary and because this is such a kickass album cover. That said, this music isn't really John Lee Hooker, is it? This is a collaboration album, and by my estimation, there are way too many cooks in the kitchen, and also, most of them aren't even cooks and they're just cracking eggs because they've seen cooks do that before. The majority of this album is certified middle-aged barfly band material, and I'm fairly certain it's because this blues ain't straining. Much as it must have been futuristic for Hooker, the production is painfully eighties, and clean electric guitar and tepid percussion belong nowhere near the blues—one might even argue electricity belongs nowhere near the blues, but I'd say it just doesn't work without distortion. It isn't my interpretation of Eno's quote that music isn't worthwhile if it's not innovating, nor do I even feel Hooker isn't innovating on The Healer—for him, I bet that's exactly what these collaborations were for. However, here's where something went wrong: either this chance to collaborate with a blues legend meant collaborators toned *down* their younger innovative urges, or, on the other end of the spectrum, they perceived the cleanliness of their era's production as an improvement on the dirtiness of blues. I'm not sure which went wrong, exactly, but this feels like a fundamental misunderstanding of the genre they're working with. Even his three solo tracks that close this album seem to misunderstand this, if I can go so far as to say John Lee Hooker momentarily misunderstood the blues (and secure my cell in Hell)—though they're much closer to the feeling than any of that Santana crap, they lose some of their power in such a relaxed, soft, sonic setting. The blues is rugged, mournful, feral—it can't be caged, but apparently, it can be domesticated. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 right now, may descend to a 🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 depending on my mood and repeat listens So I knew it was a terrible idea to start with Leonard Cohen's last album/magnum opus as per this list, but I'm glad to have still given his first album a chance. Since my wretched vice is looking at global reviews before seeing what I think for myself, I always end up with some standoffish opinion based on the loudest consensus, and Songs of Leonard Cohen is no exception. Oddly enough, my hesitation is because of a five-star review, and once again, guilt for not really "getting" what's so emotional for people. I've had this working theory going into these albums that thinking-oriented people enjoy lyric-oriented and sparser music (ranging from folk to rap) because there's generally a logical (even if artful) articulation of the feeling being conveyed, whereas feeling-oriented people enjoy musically-oriented, uh, music because sound is a pre-rational expression of feeling that cuts past the ego. Granted, there's more to it—I feel like technically impressive musical acrobatics also tend to be enjoyed by more thinking folks—but I've been pretty assured by this claim until I saw a five-star review of Songs of Leonard Cohen saying the opposite. Essentially, their deal is that because lots of non-english speakers get Leonard Cohen, you have to feel him first, and so more feeling-oriented people like him. Well, coming from the feeling camp, now I'm a poser, because I'm not totally overwhelmed by the connection. Clearly, it's more complicated than I thought. That's not to say I didn't like Songs of Leonard Cohen (duh)—both musically and lyrically, this was a really interesting experience. Like most folk music I know, there'll be notes of weirdness that I wish they'd crank up like 25% more—as it currently is, the subtlety only allows for twinges of off-kilter emotions, which isn't really enough to bathe in. That said, I bet this would've been spellbinding to see live, and maybe that's the component I'm missing. Even so, there were lines that I'd ooh and ah at, consider sending to a friend or pinning on the fridge, and the sparseness of the music largely benefited the atmosphere it was aiming for. Essentially, this is a textbook 4 as per my scale—technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally. However, considering I've only rated 4s so far, that's about the best I could expect anyone to do, so go gettem, Leo. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 This is one of those ratings that's an average—there's some two moments and some four moments, and I have to settle somewhere in between. I only knew (and loved) the song "A Pagan Place" from The Waterboys so this piqued my curiosity, but I left with mixed feelings. On the one hand, something triggered a cheesiness reaction in me, and I felt like I wasn't supposed to enjoy the parts I was enjoying because of the twang, the lyrics, or the unabashed scatting. I mean, as good as that jam was, does it really eclipse sort of Van Morrison-ing the entirety of "Blackbird" in the middle of it? On the other hand, yea, that jam really was good, as was much of the rock fiddling for many of these songs—the spirit was high and, as I feel like I say too much in these things, I bet it'd be easy to get swept up dancing to these songs live. Things really began to get grating around "And a Bang on the Ear," which I was relieved was coming to an end lyrically about five minutes in until I realized we were barely halfway through. By the end of the album, I had four songs saved and more conflict than I'd expected, so I listened to "A Pagan Place" again and realized that this is what was missing from Fisherman's Blues: the reverence, the joy, that elevated the already excellent instrumentation. Without it, this seems like great music to enjoy live but, for me, not to revisit. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 I'd heard four songs off of the album before I listened to this one, three of which I'd say are the album's best, so odds seemed stacked slightly against Strangeways for exceeding my expectations. How did they do it? Those Smiths kept up their momentum until the last three songs or so, and even "I Won't Share You"—the fourth I'd heard—will I'm sure hit just right when the right time hits. The only reason this isn't higher is because nothing is like, transcendentally good (although "Unhappy Birthday" comes close), otherwise this would be an easy 5. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 Not the easiest 4 of my life only because I so wanted to give this a 5. If they could've kept up the momentum of the first half this wouldn't been perfect, but as much as I love "Lava" or "There's a Moon in the Sky Called the Moon" or even that cover of "Downtown" everyone seems to hate, it wears a little thin after a bit. Still a monumental altar of weirdness and I love them so much H.I. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded up because I know I'm being too cautious, but truly, I wish I could give this an actual 2.5 exactly) Love Tom Waits's voice, the jazz instrumentation is really smooth, and the atmosphere, overall, is great, but I'm having some reservations about this one. It should bug me how much of a performance he's putting on—like, I know all music is performance, but I hate when someone is trying to be someone else so hard. Except—and I'm not sure about this, especially given the length of this album—I don't find it all that grating. It's almost, like, sooo overdone that it becomes like a cartoon character. The dimwitted goon laugh, the lisp, the ashtray, the slurred murmuring... it was just so rich that it sort of became enjoyable. True, some cracks started showing in the inconsistent humor and more inconsistent accent, but I guess my disbelief was sufficiently suspended. Still, there's some discomfort in the fact that he's obviously doing some kind of blaccent? And even more discomfort in the fact that I'm less bugged by this and more bugged by the runtime. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up for the first four songs—four fives) I'm in a weird, in-between space with R.E.M.—I don't like them, exactly, after years of feeling endlessly peeved hearing them captive in my parents' car, but I'm almost defensive of them because of their familiarity. Maybe I just got Stockholmed again, but I've really come around to a lot of their music, and, to their credit, most of the songs of theirs I've always liked are on this album. Actually, the first four songs are classics of my childhood that I really treasure. Hearing them back to back, I was almost convinced this album had all-timer momentum, but unfortunately, the rest was pretty middling. Maybe I'll come around to it the way I've come around to the rest of R.E.M., but for those first songs alone, this gets 3.5. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 I come from a Blur family, like I might've mentioned impartially in my Oasis review, so this comparatively mediocre rating surprised me—as was, again, the bands' chilling similarities. Both really put the "pop" in Britpop more than I'd naïvely expected (I know, but considering Damon Albarn's later innovations with Gorillaz and Blur's later innovations with albums like 13 or Think Tank), and both really take a little too much from their predecessors (though Blur's Bowie thievery on "Girls and Boys"—hey, didn't LCD Soundsystem also yoink from that one? And St. Vincent?—feels miles more forgivable than "Cigarettes and Alcohol" because at least these Boys and Girls did something different). I'd even say they were thematically similar, though I'm not sure if Blur yoinked that from Oasis, Britpop on Britpop violence style. Ultimately, this one comes out on top because it's already so much more creative and adventurous than I'd expect from a pop record, even if it pales in comparison to what Blur would later do. I found the pop-ness of Parklife to be a little much at times (maybe it was just my mood), but even today I couldn't deny they were having fun. I still downloaded the whole thing—not sure if I'll listen again many times, but I will at least once. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 When I discovered Nilsson Schmilsson a few years ago, it was because I kept finding cool and seemingly unrelated-sounding songs all from the same album. This, by the way, includes the infamous "Lime in the Coconut" song, which is, annoying as it is, also maybe the best song on the album, and certainly the bravest, and I will defend (almost) everything about it—a genuinely eerie and wild and funny song. Once I'd found three or so that I loved, I knew it was time for me to listen to the album. Unfortunately—with the DISTINCT exception of "Jump into the Fire"—most everything else didn't quite have the same sauce as the three I'd heard previously. Quite similarly to REM's Green, I think I have so much fondness for the now-four songs off of Nilsson Schmilsson that it radiates outwards to the album as a whole, even though I'm uncertain if I'll ever listen to the album as a whole again. I wouldn't write it off, but for all of Nilsson's delightful weirdness, he's just as much El Cornballer, making the popular Beatles comparisons weak to me. Still great, though. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Really interesting and fun—not to mention referenced so many times by artists I love that it felt instantly familiar—but not something I see myself returning to. As dynamic as the musicianship is, the music itself doesn't feel all that dynamic to me. If I were to return to it, I'd check out 4, 5, or 2, though—maybe I just wasn't in the right mood for them. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down based on average of every song) I all-caps LOVE "Criminal" and "Shadowboxer"—o such drama! extended jams! et cetera!—so I was really excited to dive into this album, but unfortunately, it seems I heard the best tracks first (many such cases). Fiona Apple has an incredible persona, her lyrics are raw, and this singer-songwriter piano style was the perfect place to wring that rawness out of. I really think that energy could've carried this album all the way through, but (even with great lyrics) I think the momentum died down by the end. This rating may bump significantly if I let it sink in, though, because "Sleep to Dream," "Pale September," and "Carrion" were all musically interesting enough that I'd revisit them, and "Sullen Girl" and "The Child is Gone" felt very emotionally compelling enough that I might as well listen to them again, too, and that's the whole album, I guess. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded down because #beatmickjaggertodeath) I wouldn't say I'm a Rolling Stones defender but when they hit it, they hit it, and I think that'll be harder to deny on some of the later albums of this list. That said, "Under My Thumb?" "Stupid Girl?" Even if they're supposed to be tongue in cheek... are they funny? Deeply rapey aura radiating off of these second-rate Kinks. Actually, I think this could've been on par with the star higher Kinks album we just heard, as it would suffer from the same "good but forgettable" feeling were it not for, you know, the rapeyness. If I were a truely moral and good person, any rapeyness would result in a reduction to, uh, zero stars, but unfortunately, perverts are allowed to write good music. Cis man opinion out 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗 (rounded up because come on) I was not expecting this to be my first five stars—like, at all—but I'll qualify it by saying this five stars is different from any I've anticipated. I am not a live album guy, but this feels like the difference between judging a painting and a photo, or music vs. a documentary about music. The fact that the album is live IS why it's so good, and the energy between Johnny and his audience takes a great set and makes it an experience, which sounds like ChatGPT but it's just true. I was like, "why I am moved by this Christian stuff," but it's because Christianity only hits when there's persecution it's resisting, and that's what makes this so great, you know? I think if this had caught me in a worse mood, I would've felt Cash's prison references were heavy-handed pandering (especially considering he'd never been to jail) and that turning "Folsom Prison Blues" into like a cheerful theme song sours the whole thing, but in whatever bout of sentimentality I'm in the midst of, it felt sincere and sincerely moving. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Once again dumbfounded by how much this album upset everyone listening. From the reviews you'd think this was ten hours of chainsaw revving, orgasms, and chewing noises interspersed with dissonant choral harmonies. With the exception, I gotta admit, of "Thriller!" (which did not earn its exclamation point) and "Blow Daddy-O," this wasn't really all that avant-garde. Squirrelly, maybe, but really only like 20% more than, say, Television (which I think is the missing soundalike to balance out everyone's Talking Heads take). Much as I feel that reactionary urge, I'm not gonna give it five stars or anything to balance everybody out—I thought it was cool, fun, and inventive, but it's not something I think I'd revisit. There were three or so songs I liked where their groove cut through the dissonance, and there were also songs I actively disliked because it felt like they were trying too hard to be obnoxious (whatever that drunken sailor business was). Absolutely worthwhile inclusion, and not something to get anyone's feathers ruffled over. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 (should be a star higher given historical context but could go half a star lower on enjoyment) Sacrilegiously, this is fine. Elvis has a great voice, inspired some of the best musicians of all time, and, uh, was tactically deployed by record labels to make "black music" palatable, which is why he has soooo many covers. That's obviously bad, but I'm not trying to make a statement with my rating or anything—maybe I'm not woke enough, but that doesn't seem like something I want to pin on Elvis himself. Whoever chose these songs to cover had palatability in mind, though, because they're all pretty bland, man. I feel like the Elvis I like has a bit more of a blues edge to it—at the very least a crunch or a different key. There just doesn't seem to be much going on with this one, you know? 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded down for exhaustion) Went out on a limb with this one and was kind of disappointed about it. I normally love this type of music, which might be why I'm so harsh on it, but this feels like it's sort of the flattest version of 60s hard rock. Though the sounds are similar, this and Hendrix are night and day, right? And sure, maybe it's evil to compare Hendrix to this, but I mean... I don't know... Sabbath? Love? I don't know man. The vocals were fun and the guitars were fun but boy did nothing come of them. Ran me down by the end of it and put me in a bad mood. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Really fun, may deserve a half-star more, but I can't see myself revisiting a ton of these songs (though I think I'd come back to more than I've decided now). I'd only heard "Love Spreads" from Severance as well as "I Wanna Be Adored" and "Fool's Gold" from this album but I think "Love Spreads" in particular gave me a false impression of how rockin' Stone Roses would be because I'm always disappointed they're not rockin' like that. Still, I could come to appreciate how nineties psychedelic this is. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 (though could easily be 🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 were I not feeling so magnanimous) Where do I know Pretenders from?? I swear I know at least one of their songs, but their sound is so generically early eighties that I can't place them. This cheesy, clean production on punk is one marked step towards its commercialization, but I'm kind of a sucker for this. The frontwoman is doing a B-52s, dare I say a Frank-n-furter, with her delivery, and even though she's not exactly possessed by the Rocky Horror spirit I can't say it wasn't fun. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded down, but with the potential to be rounded up if I were in a different mood). This is a very similar situation to Deee-Lite—I loved the most popular (and, I think, objectively best) song on the album, "Praise You," but found the rest of the offerings to be a lot more repetitive and less detailed than the single in question. This felt a little better than Deee-Lite and I have a feeling if I wasn't so tired I'd really enjoy it, but I'm having trouble convincing myself to go back and listen again. It seems like the sort of thing I'd have to already be in a dance trance to get. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Having already heard "London Calling," "Rudie Can't Fail," and "Train in Vain (Stand By Me)," I was expecting between a 3 and a 3.5. Dead on, for once, because every other song sounds pretty much the same. That's sort of harsh, but I really wanted to like this more given how extensive its influences are and how extensive its influence on music going forward would be. They have so much potential, and I guess I was expecting to hear more of it expressed—I think my favorite songs were all the ones that stood out a bit, but none really beat "Train In Vain" for me. I hate the posturing of Punk, so all the reviews that are calling the Clash a "boy band" or "nepo babies" aren't people I exactly want to side with, but also... I mean, they're not that far off, especially considering how close to early brit-pop this seems. Still a fun listen, just a bit overlong for something so samey. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Much like with Pere Ubu, how could this possibly be one of the lowest ranked albums of THOUSANDS? Sheryl Crow is higher than this?? I don't mean to be one of those dudes, but genuinely, you can't handle a little dissonance?! This was pretty fun, although as usual, I think 47 minutes at this level of noise with little variance is pushing it. That said, every song has its own character and I enjoyed that. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded up because I was still feeling it) So many aspects of this feel like something I like, something I should like—hell, they even sound like a lot of bands I do like—but I can't nail down what the difference really is, or even what the soundalikes are. Somehow there was energy and not feeling, which killed any momentum for me despite some decently driving guitars. Was bobbing my head to a lot of it but I didn't feel the need to save any. Very cusp. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 Once again helplessly screaming into the void at internet normoids who think this is just noise. THIS is just noise? And this is, I would say, pretty objective incredulity, because a lot of the jazzy riffing happens over a really consistent foundation. Like, the rhythm is fairly clear, is it not? No wonder The Birthday Party and Pere Ubu are unlistenable to some people. I have never felt the need to use sensitive derogatorily before this, but man... My expectations were set so transcendentally high for A Love Supreme that I knew I'd be let down somehow. I even tried to temper my expectations—I knew I'd have to when I read the review of the guy saying he went in skeptically but was crying halfway through Psalm—it's just that as such a feeling person, I want to deeply feel what others feel and be a part of all that feeling, you know? Anyways, I was worried it wasn't gonna click during Parts 1 & 2, but things really kicked into high gear in 3 & 4, which is when I knew this needed a second listen. Granted, I'm not sure it felt like God was in my ears or anything (although everything will pale in comparison if that's your standard), but I'm hoping by my second or third listen I'll really catch the feeling. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded up because I enjoyed some parts, but I truly wish I did not have to round at all) Was mighty pleased with myself when I walked into the kitchen and said "this sounds like Faces" while Emily was playing this. Much like Faces, this album has some really rockin' songs if I do say so myself but also has its fair share of uneventful, even somewhat nose-wrinkling, songs. They all have a distinct character, and I can't fault them for that, but this goes a little too twang for me without the seedy counterbalance of a song like "Stay With Me." 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded up because I liked her voice) What am I missing here? I chose to listen to this one because I'd heard "Son of a Preacher Man" before (and, unwittingly, the Mel Tormé cover of "Windmills of your Mind"), but it turns out that was sort of the one "big" song on an otherwise silky, lush record. Neither of those things are bad, though I found them to be a bit played out by the end. This isn't the first time I've really wanted to like this era of Soul, but it just feels a bit too cheesy for me after a while—the luster wears off so fast because, I think, it's one-dimensional, but I'm sure they'd have my head for that. Like I said, Dusty Springfield herself has a great persona, and the strings are too nice overall for me to rate this as anything below 2.5 stars, but it just didn't do a lot for me. Considering how much this album seems to mean for so many people, I wish it did more. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up because come on) DEVOBRIANENO!! I have been anticipating this album since we started this list (although two months isn't all that long compared to the, like, three thousand years we have until we finish the list), and judging from how balls-to-the-wall Satisfaction, Mongoloid, and Gut Feeling are, I was expecting this to be a solid four. Unfortunately, this one's yet another where I'd heard all of my favorite songs first, though not nearly as severe a case as, say, Clash's London Calling, most recent- and egregious-ly. This one was a lot of fun and scratches the uptightness itch I have for most post-punk stuff. Between Devo and Talking Heads, a lot of my faves owe a lot of their fame to this period (Oingo Boingo? They Might Be Giants? XTC? The Feelies?). Maybe it's not the most technically inventive, but that's never what makes an album great. The way they destroy "Gut Feeling" and then coalesce again is THE. SHIT. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗 (rounded up for the cohesive whole) GOD DAYUM!!!! Nighthawks at the Diner can kiss my ass! So glad I gave Tom Waits another chance, because Bone Machine is just incredible. I don't know what makes this click more than, say, my middling reaction to Pere Ubu (though the fact that I keep mentioning them is worth something), but the totally bizarre parts of this album still coalesce into a zero-miss lineup. I tried to like this a lot less than I did, but I was giddier with each new track. Delightfully creepy, miraculously dissonant, and surprisingly emotional in its highs and lows for a piss-drunk ghoul repeatedly slamming the silverware drawer. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Okay Miss Demeanor! Apple Music's description for this album begins with a quote from the Missus herself about how she's not making music for the year 1997; she's making music for the year 2000. Presciently, artistic foresight spanning three years hence is actually an apt descriptor for this album's sound. Okay, so it's dated, but I'll be damned if it's not kind of fun. Certainly, its low tempo keeps it from being, I don't know, hype? But I don't know if it's setting out to be that—for something performing such a distinct stereotype, it's surprisingly comfortable in its corniness. Something about the acknowledgements even made me a little emotional. I don't know, it's not something I want to revisit, but there were a couple of songs in there I'm going to revisit anyways because I thought they were begrudgingly fun (it was a stretch of about four before the Jamaican accent hit). The top review on this site for Supa Dupa Fly says Missy deserves her spot on this list, but not for this album, since she has better work and this seems to be a more historical inclusion. I'm not sure what the metrics intended for inclusion on this list were, exactly, but I think this reviewer is dead-on: for all its historical importance, it's also gotta be, like, a real powerhouse album to have been truly defining, right? 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down because whatever) Much like Bone Machine, I kind of wish I'd found this album in high school, although only this one would've aged worse. I think this has a real nice wry, whiny teenage feeling to it that I can imagine really resonating with for several of these songs, although I think I'd get sick of them after many, many repeat plays. I already knew (and loved) "Cut Your Hair" and enjoyed "Stop Breathin'" a lot, but I can see myself listening to the entire album again and liking it more, which I plan to. Who knows—maybe I'll even edit this rating to be higher. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down because of the overall effect) Something else by the Kinks, and so soon after the last thing by the kinks—what difference is there, really? Well, in fairness, I knew more songs off of this one—"Waterloo Sunset," "David Watts," and "Death of a Clown" are all saved, though they're amongst my least favorite Kinks songs in my library. That being said, I definitely enjoyed them this time around, maybe simply due to the fact that they were familiar faces in an unexpected setting. I also really enjoyed a few other songs on this album, though none powerfully so. Overall, though, this one was mellower than I like my kinks—certainly the them at the most "hum dee dum" / "hi-ho" British I've ever heard them, and while I'm not opposed to that as a whole, it doesn't amount to much looking back. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗 I was really, really trying to not rate this five stars and almost succeeded. I gotta say, for as many five-star songs as there are, there's a lot that technically rock but that I wish I clicked with more. Turns out, I just needed to listen to it again, but louder. "Third Stone From the Sun" is a prime example btw. Only Jimi can make shredding electric sound poetic and gentle. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (begrudgingly rounded down because of the mood it left me with). This album is truly a 2.5, and rating it any higher or lower feels like a lie to me. Every song has different character, but it all sort of sounds like the precursor to a very annoying kind of pop-rap that dominated the last decade. I'd be like, "boy, this sounds like Pharrell Williams, and not in a good way." What do you know, he's featured! Cee Lo is a great singer and a less than great rapper. It's earnest (the kid was so sweet) and also it's performative (selling soul was so... not sweet). It's corny (good, like that Parliament bit) and corny (bad, like... the entire overall album). I was having fun but I was also groaning internally. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down for lack of replay potential) Better than my bigoted Coldplay heart set me up for. The percussion bordered on earlyish Radiohead-esque, and I felt like this had an earlyish U2 feeling even. It got a little too ballady by the end but I enjoyed it. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down very, very, very tentatively because it sorta blended together) Having heard a lot about Hejira and assumed a lot about Joni Mitchell, I was worried this was either going to be so cheesy it triggers my lactose diarrhea reaction or, maybe less viscerally, so good it makes me reconsider my biases. I think it was neither, but still not bad. Maybe I shouldn't have listened to it on a plane for the first time, because what I got from it was mainly the music, when it's the vocals and lyrics that are, I think, the real selling point. Unfortunately, the only lyrics I heard were "you are russia I am america we're in a cold war we need peace talks." What's that Taylor swift lyric? "You rode in on a horse / I was the horse"? 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up because I can see several of these songs growing on me) Obviously I'd heard Message in a Bottle, but was surprised at how consistent the rest of the album was. Really uptempo, really distinct voice, really enthusiastic and complex instrumentation. There were some reggae parts I was like, huh, I don't know if I can get into this, but Emily so kindly pointed out the title is "White Reggae" and then that cleared it up. Will definitely relisten—if this is this good, I'm so excited to see what Synchronicity's got. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Chanced it with this one because of so many comparisons to bands I love (XTC, Sparks) and bands I'm ambivalent towards (Queen, Cheap Trick, ELO) and while I see the resemblance, I'm not sure it clicked as I'd like it to. I wanted to defend these guys wholeheartedly for their scatterbrained creativity, but I can sort of tell where the annoyance bit comes in for one reason or another. One of those things I struggle to quantify, even more so when I realize they're likely responsible for both the nerdier eclectic bands I like (They Might Be Giants, Of Montreal) and the nerdier eclectic bands I absolutely do not under any circumstances endorse (Tally Hall, Weezer). Saved many songs nonetheless! 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (+0.5 for technical achievement, but rounded down for personal enjoyment) When I saw how low Underwater Moonlight by the Softboys was rated, I thought to myself, well, maybe it's time to nuke the world. Luckily, my access to the football has been delayed long enough for me to self-reflect and right my wrongs. I think, in a timeline where I was baptized in R&B rather than College Rock, I'd feel about The Poet there the way I do about Underwater Moonlight here. Undeniably, this is a tight album, front to back—every song has its own character but not without sacrificing its overall identity, it doesn't lose momentum until the last few songs (and even then, there was plenty I enjoyed about the last one), every song is probably a soul gem, it's funny, it's danceable, it's emotional, Bobby's got pipes... on and on. I think, were I another person, it'd be criminal to rank this lower than a four. All that said, in this timeline, I just didn't click with it, and I struggle with that given how objectively good it is. I don't know... something about this eighties style is just kind of cheesy to me, which is hypocritical, considering how much dated music I like (see Underwater Moonlight). More and more, I just have to accept that my music taste does not reflect objective goodness, and some things just aren't for me. That's not to say I don't really respect this one, or even that I liked none of what it had to offer—"Stand Up" was fantastic, and I'd listen to "Just my Imagination" and the last song again, for sure. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded down my rating because they dumbed down these lyrics for the lowest common denominator) Okay. Alright. I gave this one a shot because Adele was really important to Emily growing up and, for someone who lives under a rock, I have very few—if any—conceptions as to what Adele should sound like. For perspective, my first exposure to the song "Hello" was a Westboro Baptist Church parody (don't ask), and I only recognized "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" from, y'know, "Semaluhtounuyulohowwah." Really, I was a pretty clean slate. Musically, I've got to say, there's plenty to like here. Everyone's already given Adele her flowers as a vocalist (though, and I'm not even saying this to be some kind of asshole, I feel like she's at times too controlled to really feel raw, right? Still impressive belting on a lot of these, but it didn't rip me open, I guess), but for as overproduced as this album is, some of the melodies are pretty fun. I genuinely enjoyed “I Miss You,” and I loved the sort of warped, fuzzy production on the background harmonies of that one, "Water under the bridge," and "River Lea." Actually, I have mixed feelings about "River Lea" in particular—it's super, uh, this era of pop with sort of an overproduced funk hook but, much as I tried not to, I kind of got into it. It reminds me of newer Hozier a bit, which I hope carries as much good as it does bad. That said—and with my sincerest apologies to little Emily—some of these lyrics are, to me, just awful. I started writing down the ones that made me groan so I could add them here but, and I feel cruel saying this, there was just too many to make it practical. When I was a kid and would write lyrics or poetry, I'd often throw in filler words to clunkily fill the meter, but listening back, I was always disappointed you could tell. Here are some that sound like that: “When the night keeps you from sleeping” “I should probably tell you now before it’s way too late / that I never meant to hurt you or to lie straight to your face” “Life was a party to be thrown / but that was a million years ago” “When the world seems so cruel / and your heart makes you feel like a fool” Lyrical fluff abound! Sometimes, there's also these passages that have a similar not-quite-human feeling, like they're grasping for a metaphor. This is also very evil of me, but if these lines were released today, I'd say they sounded like AI: “If you’re not the one for me / then how come I can bring you to your knees?” “I wish I could live a little more / look up at the sky and not the floor” There are a few that feel like they're trying to tap into a feeling that hasn't been felt, but look, who am I to judge? I don't know, something like this felt like it was grasping at straws: “When I walk around all of the streets / where I grew up and found my feet / they can’t look me in the eye / it’s like they’re scared of me” Finally, the simplicity of these words lulled me into feeling (correctly) like I could just predict which rhyme came next. But then there were rhymes that were so bad they looped back around to being unpredictable? Like, take this one: “Have I ever asked for much? / The only thing that I want is your ___” what’s it gonna be? Touch? NO! "Love"??? Huh?? Look, I really regret how mean all of this comes off, but truly, where the lyrics are a 1, I genuinely feel like the music alone would've been a 3. Sorry, Emily.

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 A truck totaled my car while I was listening to this, specifically "if I am," and I still don't remember any of it. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that my head hit the steering wheel very hard. I knew My Bloody Valentine from some Loveless songs and a couple of EP bits—I think I only remember "Slow," "You Made Me Realize," and "Only Shallow" off the top of my head, which are all great and also all kind of abrasive in a way that's tough for me to get into if it isn't hooky. I think specifically My Bloody Valentine's barrier to entry, for me, is the haziness of their ambience, but once I settle into it I end up really liking it. There were a lot of songs on this album that have potential for me to warm up to but as it stands right now there aren't many I love yet. I think I wanted to like this one more than I did, too, which may impact the rating. All in all, still solid, but not my fave. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 I have very little to say about this one for some reason. I think it’s very competent club music and I love the dour sass of those boys but, unlike with some of their “Actually” songs (the classics), none of these really stood out to me. It doesn’t feel very scientific why, because I bet I could be persuaded to like some of these, but 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down for re-listen value) Another one that makes me hang my head and say "I'm 25, what am I doing with my life?" Incredible that this came out of a 20 year old, but in sort of a different way than, say, Kate Bush's "The Kick Inside" because it's like, shit, he's been through it. In light of that it feels evil to give this any lower than a 4, especially with the poetry on display, but it really does excel more at the poetry than the music. The beats aren't bad—I enjoyed every song—but there are very few I'd come back and listen to because the music itself went in one ear and out the other. One Love with Q-Tip was my favorite, or maybe hit me the hardest. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 I had big expectations for this one going into it—I knew at least "Debaser," "Wave of Mutilation," "Here Comes Your Man," and "Monkey Gone to Heaven" going in, though a couple more sounded familiar—but it did not disappoint. I knew it would be good, but I think there's a part of me that feels almost afraid of the Pixies because of their manic emotionality. "Wave of Mutilation" is one of several Pixies songs that makes me feel a little, no pun intended, debased emotionally—I feel, in the distance, a sort of trembling, confused crying that I'm afraid will come within infectious distance if I listen to more of their stuff. Like "Where is My Mind???" it's beautiful and also a little unpredictable and I think that's what sets me on edge. Fortunately, this was way more fun than it was challenging. Really consistent sound while still being creative, and it's that sound that basically defined the 90s and countless bands I love. I think the only reason this isn't a 5 is that it sort of peters out towards the end—though the songs are still fun, they're not as memorable to me. Will be listening again though. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌑🌑🌑 My Dad raised me a metal snob, often shielding me from dangerous Nu-identifying deviants and general buttrockery, so the sheltered bigot in me shivered at the name Pantera, though I knew not why. Having read some of the more colorful reviews of this album, I was delighted to discover Phil Anselmo's prolific history raging agnostically towards the machine, and had my expectations low purely because he seems to be a perpetually immature guy. I could've gone as high as a three on some of these early songs—sort of clean and flat in the way a lot of thrash metal ends up sounding to me, but very headbangable, and toward the better end of the spectrum of songs my Tae-Kwon-Do instructor would blast during burpees. They're definitely doing kind of a Motörhead thing sometimes, a Metallica thing other times, and a little too Oasis-ly doing Judas Priest toward the end there. Was put off by the bully-aggro "Walk" and "F*****g Hostile," but was delighted to recognize the opening riff of "This Love" from Dexter meme edits, I think—it's a shame they really do it to death with three re-introductions. Where this one ultimately lost me was in the enlightened centrist eye-rolls of "Rise" and "No Good (Attack the Radical)," which are about the least metal thing possible. I can easily forgive the accidental racism of an immature contrarian (not because it's okay, but because it's so meaningless), but I can't forgive rap-metal, which rears its ugly head here, which was the final nail in the coffin. Still, I can't deny the headbangability, which is perhaps the last thing preventing me from giving this a flat-out 1. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 Okay, sorry, I've heard and dismissed "Strange Brew" and "Sunshine of Your Love" at many a dad jam—I don't know how to articulate this, exactly, but a lot of 60s rockers like Cream, The Who, or even, dare I say, The Doors are missing a certain... I don't know... dare I say whimsy? Dare I say feminine influence? That I think someone like, dare I say, Jimi Hendrix really is able to capture. Not everyone needs to be flouncing flower children or anything, but it's just a little swirl of whimsy that needs to be whisked in there (yes, I know Jim Morrison is that swirl, but for some reason it doesn't always take). This theory is very much undercooked and I think it needs just a twinge more time in the oven, but whatever it is, Cream just has a characteristic flatness to it that I find in a lot of classic rock. THAT SAID: "Strange Brew" and "Sunshine of Your Love" were, unexpectedly, the second-place highlights of this one by a long shot. They're really solid, and I'd listen to them more were they not so overplayed. I found the rest of the album to be fun but sort of forgettable, with the vast exception of the last song. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! THAT'S the kind of british I want! 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 I want to like Sonic Youth more than I do, I gotta say. Kim Gordon is the coolest and I love a lot of, admittedly, the more popular Sonic Youth songs, but this was just a little too squirrelly for me—not too squirrelly to enjoy, mind you, just too squirrelly for me to want to repeat listen, since I couldn't really hook onto any rhythms. If I'm gonna come back to this one, I really enjoyed "Hot Wire My Heart" and "Cotton Crown." 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌑🌑 This one was fun to bop along to, but, fundamentally, it was never more than pop. I'm not sure why I expected more, which may have set back my enjoyment, but I really thought I'd enjoy New Order more than I did—where's the "Blue Monday" energy? Is their best stuff in an earlier album? Am I a poser? 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑 DUKE ELLING TRON I had already heard this album in its entirety, unbeknownst to me, because Emily owns the CD. Much like with Johnny Cash, I think this is a killer live set that captures the energy of the room really well, which spikes my rating a hair higher than it would've been on its own. Though I think I'd have been inclined to say this sort of blended together if I'd just listened once, several of the little motifs and riffs were memorable and resurfaced as soon as I heard them. No matter how good this is, though, one thing even a great live performance couldn't save was the length. Short of actually being there and absorbed in the participation mystique, the two-hour runtime is a little overlong (though, shockingly, not too egregiously). Where I think this should've been "enough" to finish was when the second set started playing in the middle of the second disc and several songs repeated. I'll let a lot go, but not that. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 (rounded down :/ because it got old :/ sorry) Rod, you're killin' me baby bro. Much like Gasoline Alley, I feel like there was a lot to like here—I'm just biased from his Faces work, but this feels like it could be (and often is, in fairness) killer southern rock (from, you know, not the south). However, I think there's a worrisome imbalance in the twang to edge ratio. Plenty of twang on this one, and Rod's voice delivers it well, but by god, there is no edge, and in its dread vacuum an asphyxiating earnestness blooms. Maybe the fact that that's bad makes me an asshole and, worse, a hypocrite, because I think there's nothing wrong with earnestness, but something about it just feels borderline eye-roll-y. Ultimately, it doesn't kill the album for me, which is why it feels evil to give this two stars—it's a high two, mind you, but not high enough to round up into three territory, not today. I was too annoyed for that, sometimes. Oh well. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up because of uncut, shameless bias—there are some five star songs on here and I need to give them their due) TORTURE ME BACK AT YOUR LAIYURUH Okay. I love some Iron Maiden, but I had not heard this album—just the title track, "Running Free," and, of course, "Phantom of the Opera." While I know that historically, this was a feat because it gained a cult following in the midst of Punk supplanting metal, spawned all kinds of thrash bands, and created Eddie, I still thought it was an odd inclusion—if there were to be any maiden album on here, I'd expect it to be Number of the Beast (which I'm thankful to have found looking ahead). Okay, with that all aside, I thought this somewhat justified its inclusion. I was really rocking with "Prowler" and even the pensive melodrama of "Remember Tomorrow"—very proggy—but I definitely think Side A is far stronger. Wasn't really sure "Charlotte the Harlot" needed to be there in particular. Also, I know it's unfair to compare Paul Di'anno with Bruce Dickinson, and I think he's the perfect singer for the "Iron Maiden" song, but he reeeaally loves ending words "-ayuh" and the first few times it's like "fuck yea" but then you realize how much it's happening and it sort of brings all of his charisma down. Whatever. Could've been a four for me with just the first side and "Iron Maiden" itself, many of which are five star songs for me, but the second half holds me back. Also, much as I love "Phantom of the Opera".... it doesn't quite hold its own weight. We're not ready for "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" yet. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down because of the monotony of hearing all of these in order, though they're all at least functional songs separately) I love "Anarchy in the UK" and "EMI" but I wasn't expecting much from this record—nothing against the Sex Pistols, per se, but I just had a feeling their songs would all sort of sound the same. I knew vaguely that the band had sort of tragically and comically imploded because they were all so deeply punk to the core, and in that sense, I respect their contradictory and ubiquitous disgust for the universe, but I just wasn't sure it would translate into a great album through and through. Largely, I ended up being right, but I did walk away still endeared to how, as Emily and I agreed, almost noxiously teenage it all was. Their spirit is punk in its purest form, and god love 'em for that. Also, Johnny Rotten's got his scratching r-rolling schtick, but I love it. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded down because of the general effect... elaborating below) I have expected big things, of some sort, from The Next Day since 2013—even before I really knew what Bowie was all about. I remember the day "Where Are We Now?" released, vaguely—we watched the eerie music video of Bowie-doll's wistful singing over the dusty clutter of memories past on the family ipad at the dining room table, maybe before school or maybe after getting home. Then, I'd only really heard Bowie intermittently throughout my childhood—I liked "Quicksand" and, much later, "Changes," but I guess I didn't think he was all that much of a weirdo because those songs sounded so normal to me. At twelve, this perception was unchanged by "Where are we Now" and "Valentine's Day," the only other single I remember from that album. I love both of these, but the first, paired with the eerie album cover, really set me up to assume this album was a somber, reflective piece on rock star days past. When I was trying to give Emily context after 1001albumsgenerator.com decided to throw us David Bowie's second-to-last album as his second record, I hastily explained that The Next Day is looking backward while Blackstar is looking forward, and I don't think that's entirely true. Blackstar has plenty of remorse and affirmation for Bowie's past, but I think in mythologizing his journey as a collective and turning this whole towards certain death does sort of create something new, in a way. Even without having heard the whole album, I had some inkling that "The Next" Day was the step prior to this in that it looks back, but doesn't use this as a foundation for or a leg up towards something new. Having listened, I'm disappointed to say that's pretty much exactly the case here, but without the sense, really, that it's an old man looking back on his younger work. Instead—and I hate to say this about my GOAT Bowie—but it really felt dated, to me. The Next Day didn't sound like someone who reinvents himself with changing music; it actually sounded like many of his contemporaries who stay the same through the decades until they like hollow copies of their old self. Okay, that's harsh, and not entirely true. To me, this felt borderline phoned-in, but I can't deny that I was still dancing along to most of these songs. Every track had something interesting going on that, if brought to the forefront with more bold production, could've made for a really interesting song. However, everything felt a little too clean, which is why it feels like so many artists of this era that don't let their music grow with them—sounds that were once revolutionary, sounds that actively pushed outward production technology, don't keep pushing, and sound all too comfortable in decades-later settings. "Where Are We Now" and "Valentine's Day" are far and away the best songs on this album, easily five stars on their own, because of their unique perspective and emotionality—wistfulness and edge, respectively. There are several other tracks I'd like to return to, undeniably, but I'm worried I wouldn't feel that urge strongly enough to see it through if this weren't Bowie. This all sounds like less than a three, but it's Bowie, so I'm attached. Oh well. 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up because of Synchronicity I & II, solely enough to carry the album) Sometimes this list makes me feel like an alien. General consensus lists this firmly as an ass album—“the police make music for people who don’t like music,” at worst, and at best, some forgettable, self-absorbed noodling saved only by the second side, which one reviewer compares to a Beatles album in that every song has its own character. Both the first and last sentiments are criticisms and compliments that I’ve lobbed at other albums myself, so it’s not like I think they’re unreasonable—far be it from me, also, to say Sting isn’t a self-absorbed noodler (I do not feel called to white knight him today. Not now, my gorgeous fedora and katana. Stay sharp in brim and blade to fight another day). Even so, I’m genuinely baffled how I landed so opposed to consensus (which, ironically, also results in a middling rating from me). The Police makes music for people who don’t like music?? Someone should’ve let me know. Synchronicit(ies) is/are forgettable? Did we listen to the same songs? “I” is hypnotic, borderline sublime, and channels the subject matter with such sweeping, rushing emotion that it couldn’t have been constructed intellectually—this was something the Police felt first, were entranced by, and they’re transferring it to me, spiritus mundi. Its a crystalline, mountaintop waterfall, accelerating with every subsequent listen. I feel it stronger now that I’ve started reading Jung like Sting clearly did, but I’ve felt this song for much longer than I’ve known what a “synchronicity” is. “II” is goosebumps-inducing—it would be a wry portrait on its own, maybe forgettable even if relatable, were it not for the synchronicity aspect—the “many miles away” verses are, and I’m not kidding, some of my favorite lyrics ever. It’s not that they’re word-by-word genius, but they capture something so evocative with such simplicity, and that’s masterful to me. It’s a shame, then, that songs like “Walking in Your Footsteps” don’t capture the same mystical quality, or even, I don’t know, some more intentional humor—maybe I’m biased because I love the concept, but I see the vision, and as a kid listening to this in the back of the car on the way to school, I wanted it to be better. Even then, I got some secondhand embarrassment from rhyming “you were God’s favorite creature” with “but you didn’t have a feature” (what does that even mean??) only to find out it’s “but you didn’t have a future,” which is bad in a completely different way (not to mention, glaringly, that dinosaurs were already extinct fifty million years ago. Who wrote this, Rodrick Heffley?). Even so, I think it has far more character than anything on the second side besides, I’ll admit, that one voyeur song on the second side. I’m not sure where anyone got “Beatles” from—it’s truly such blank, sanitized pop to me, at least musically, and nothing jumps out to me. How did these end up chart toppers, but neither Synchronicity did?? How does anyone hear the music in “Tea in the Sahara” or “King of Pain” and think it’s more fun than “Mother,” which—because I guess I’m destined to hear Pere Ubu in everything now—is barely more abrasive than any other punk, but that people act like is audio ripped from a snuff film? “Miss Gradenko” may not be some remarkable display of sublimity, but I’d much rather hang out with her than any of her second story neighbors. What are we doing? What’s going on? It really does make me so sad, sometimes, that something I feel so deeply—to the point where I sound pretentious talking about it (imagine that)—is just garbage to some people. I really want to make it objective somehow, like it’s one of us or the other that’s the problem, just to validate my feelings, or justify having a strong defensive reaction, but what else is there to say? Giancarlo Esposito “We are not the same” dot jpeg 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing

🌕🌕🌕🌗🌑 (rounded up because I have a feeling my feelings will also round up) I didn’t realize how excited I’d be to see Pink Flag on this list. “Ex-Lion Tamer,” “1 2 X U,” and, like, twice as much “Three Girl Rhumba” are perhaps perfect punk songs, all five stars for me. When I think of why, I think it’s the ability to strain punk’s screamy bitterness through uptight sensibilities, but I’m not sure that totally captures it. Secretly, maybe, I have a love-hate relationship with uptightness in art—I think I’m always onboard for it, but then I listen to an album like Pink Flag all the way through, and I think the choppiness starts to feel like an auditory washboard after twenty-one 1-3 minute songs ricocheting around. I don’t know, I think maybe when the uptightness elevates the emotions, like in the three aforementioned songs, that’s the secret sauce—otherwise, a lot of these start to sound a bit samey to me, though not nearly as badly as many other albums on this list. That’s not to say there isn’t an emotional energy to this—contrary to many reviews (another case where people have no taste in vocals), this guy’s always had one of my favorite crunchy voices, almost crunchier than the guitars. That’s also not to say I didn’t find any more I was into—“Strange,” “106 Beats,” “Pink Flag,” and “Lowdown” really did pique my interest, though none hit like the other three, and that’s relatively few out of twenty-one little ditties. Somehow, then, this one’s getting the same score as Sex Pistols, even though I think ultimately think this one is better… maybe? Better creatively, at least, and even energetically, but I don’t know, the spirit of bollocks rages stronger in the Sex Pistols, and that’s what Wire sometimes seems to struggle with. Maybe Never Mind the Bollocks was more fun to listen to, but Pink Flag’s best songs easily exceed “Anarchy in the UK” or “EMI.” 1: Bad | 2: Okay, No Desire to Revisit | 3: Good, Conditionally (OR Inconsistent Mix of Qualities) | 4: Great (OR Technically amazing but missing the sauce emotionally) | 5: Amazing